I miss you. Things are not nor will ever normal again, whatever that is. The more I think about it, the more I realize that perhaps my time with you, our time together, the time you had on this world was by definition, not normal. Perhaps that was a dream, a fantasy, a magical time where anything and everything seemed possible.
The world was fuzzy, colorful, happy, and wonderful. Letters floated off paper, love was oceans deep, hearts moved to a different beat. We had twinkles in our eyes and feet floated above the ground so heavy. We could fly, and feel, believe and make dreams real. Nothing was impossible, everything was possible. Words meant something and your presence was uplifting.
I'm trying not to cry as write this but it's hard. Hard to remember better days, hard to remember the peace, love, and joy of those days. I never felt alone. States between us, thousands of miles of clouds and open sky above us, I never felt alone. I felt you with me. I felt your love envelope me.
The most pure, wholesome, and unadulterated love that could only come from a place that doesn't really exist here. Were bodies, sticks and stones floating through a mass as weightless as life was.
At practice I thought of you, in the classroom I imagined you - I heard your voice on my wedding day. I saw your face my first day of college - I'll never forget those first weeks away from you. I cried, not knowing. Only to return and find I really didn't know. Our friendship had paused, but yours with others had not. I felt alone again, almost betrayed. I didn't recognize you, I thought I know you by the thoughts I had of you, but I was too distracted with my own contemplations to see through it all and see you.
I felt sadness and remorse, anger and jealousy. What you did, unknowingly or not, cut deeper than anything or anyone ever had.
