Psychology of actions versus intent

Imagine living in a world of accomplishment; where everything you do, say, and think, is part of a broad plan of "success engineering", and propels you forward toward your goals. You do not "waste time" with your thoughts, you're not "lazy", rather you're the envy of the world. Jumping from task to task, accomplishing feat after feat. It sounds amazing right?

It is amazing to dream about, but the reality is I am not that productive and yet I hold myself to such standards as I believe to be perfect. For ten years I have tried to reach that level of satisfaction and have not attained, no matter how hard I try or how much I actually accomplish it is not enough and leaves me wanting more. In my conscious mind I seem to have my desires and goals structured around a rigid set of rules that go some thing like "do this, then this, then that, followed by this, followed by that... etc.." and it has done nothing but harm me, my self-confidence, and actually hurt my ability to accomplish anything. Why? Because I feel as though I must subscribe to such rigid rules to become the person I dream of being. And there is absolutely no wriggle room within my rules and schedule for doing anything else, or for anything unexpected. If I fail to meet any of my goals or to abide by my rules then I feel worthless, shameful, and humiliated. No one knows the pain other than myself.

So what would happen if I free myself from those rules? What happens if I am not exerting all of my energy, time, and devotion to this image of perfection? Would I be happier? Would I possibly become more successful? It would be like leaving one world and entering another, one where the judgments are different and perhaps not quite as harsh, one where forgiveness not only exists but is possible to achieve, one where people are not simply villains out to destroy me but rather opportunities, where love is encompassing, where communication means something, where I don't have to feel terrible all of the time.

A line must be drawn, and a decision made: Do I live for happiness which inevitably comes with hard work and sacrifice or do I live for pleasure, quick reward, and an inevitable life of regret and self-wallowing? I think it is clear that happiness does not exist within a rigid world devoid of love and passion.

Organization and the story of a struggle with organizing.

Organizing is a stressful, often complicated task, no job, that must be done to some extent in life yet it is one of those facets of human existence that can never be seen to completion. There are small blips of successfully organized quests of organization, where you set aside a time within your day to organize something and see it through to completion; it might be a cluttered desk, swamped with papers about stuff, or objects used as tools like a stapler or keyboard for your computer. Some people thrive on disorganization and some level of entropy in the bubble of a world they create within the fabric of their consciousness.

According to Merriam Webster, to organize means to "arrange or order things so that they can be found or used easily quickly: to put things in a particular arrangement or order".

I personally struggle with organization everyday in almost everything I do. What makes the situation worse is that longer you go without organizing and without attempting to structure your life in some way, shape, or form, the worse the problem gets. It is a problem of compounding, that's it. From organizing my home to organizing my schedule, to organizing my books.

Within my mind I believe that I must have every facet of my life organized to the smallest, most singular element. No atom may act on it's own; they all must be lumped together in some kind of molecular structure. The problem with this ideology of mine is that it is a carry-over from my high-school years, a time when I actually had both the time and the means to accomplish it.
--Now that I am nearly 27 years of age with a full schedule, I no longer have the means or the time to accomplish my desired level of organization. At least, not to such a quantum scale. So is the fault my high-school ideology? In part, yes. But it's also a fault of mine not to reexamine my philosophy and adjust it according to my current schedule and demands. Organization is a must to a certain degree, but beyond that it is simply for aesthetic or pleasurable means. In other words, it no longer becomes efficient. Organizing my DVD's, none of which I have watched in the past six months, does not help my become a better, or more intelligent person. I am not paid to do it, nor am I asked by anyone to see it done. It would simply because I prefer to have them organized by alphabetical order.

With that in mind, the cost/benefit analysis is simply skewed too far in terms of cost for it to be worth my time. But what about something not so carnal as DVD's? What about something more important to my daily life like my finances? Schedule of classes and their related demands?

I think this is where it becomes essential, but again only to a certain degree. I can schedule my classes according to my level of desirability to fit into to my preferences. I do not schedule my classes around my work/social schedule because I rate my classes as a top priority, which is a level of priority higher than my social or work schedule. Everything else is scheduled around them.

But now I come to a psychological quandary: dwelling on opportunity costs, worrying, and spending copious amounts of time and energy then doubting my final decision. This is quite literally the habitual activity that takes up the most of my time and energy. There is simply nothing in my life as demanding as my worry, doubt, and constant dwelling of such things. Not only does it cost my physically in terms of my health, but also spiritually, financially, morally, and mentally.

The solution is simple: less of the costly, detrimental stuff like worrying and more stuff like creating and living a life of happiness. But this is so difficult for me, because everyday I wake up like this:
"I am so tired."
"I am so weak."
"I am so ugly."
"I am so dumb."
"I have to go to class today."
"I have to go to work today."
"I have to see people today."
"I have to speak correctly."
"I have to think correctly."
"I have to be focused."
"I have to read today."
"I have to go to the gym today."
"I have to run today."
"Why did I not run further today?"
"Why did I not study more today?"
"Why did I not speak better today?"
"No, I said that wrong I have to correct my mistake by saying something correct."
"I have to brush my teeth."
"I should have eaten healthier."
"I forgot to call Zach and Thomas."
"I forgot to call my parents."
"I have to meditate."
"I still have to file my taxes."
"Remember that time I kicked the ball wrong?"
"I miss so many people in my life."
"She hasn't texted me back, I must have said something wrong.--I could have said it better."
"I don't like my hair,"
"I don't like how hairy I am."
"Gosh I can't speak right today."
"Damnit, I have to do the dishes."
... and on and on and on... imagine going through that everyday. Not just every single day of your life for the past ten years, but imagine playing out that list of shit over and over again in your head like a record, throughout the day everyday.

That's what I am trying to communicate to everyone. That is literally how my life is and how I spend so much time and energy everyday. As a result, I have it structured like a perfect system in my mind, and anytime something unexpected occurs, like someone asking me to help them with something, I completely crash because my structure leaves no room for outside activities, or unexpected circumstances. It is completely unorthodox and even worse completely idiotic.

An idea: be creative, be assertive, and live life with only the most fundamental rules. One key phrase I heard a few years ago went something like this: "If you have to repeat to yourself everyday as a reminder to convince yourself to do it, it's not worth doing. If you have to remind yourself constantly, it's not worth remembering".

Homeschooling

I recently came across this article from Wired Magazine: home schooling . And it really struck me.

What I'm about to write is long and probably drawn out at times but I want to say everything I believe I should say and furthermore everything I want to say.

I was homeschooled my entire life until I went to college full-time at the age of 18 (fall of 2006). I come from a large, conservative family not unlike most homeschoolers in our area. Most the homeschoolers in our area came from large Christian families, very tight-knit, and most of them owned their own businesses, typically in the construction industry.

We did form a tight bond within the homeschool community but we also were actively involved in the larger community in general, not just with homeschoolers. We had our church, city activities, work, and city-league sports. Riding on the coattails of that subject, the whole "homeschoolers are socially retarded" or any other related saying is nothing more than utter nonesense. Yes, there are homeschoolers that still fit the traditional mold and are no very socially active and I've known many of them but I would argue that the proportion of homeschoolers who are not socially active according to modern norms are no more or less than their public or private-schooled compatriots. I feel as though it is an outdated and vastly uninformed idea.

My family had three things that we did each and everyday: work, study, play sports. From as early as I can remember my parents had me out pulling weeds and gardening to working construction and doing chores around the house. We were busy and our lives were never dull. I would wake up typically around 7:00 AM, eat breakfast, exercise, have bible study, then hit the books. My mother had prepared a school schedule for us over the weekend so we knew what to study and when our tests and quizzes were. However there were times she would hit us with a surprise quiz and see how we were doing.

In my personal opinion and experiences I would argue that homeschooling has much higher stakes and a higher risk/reward ratio than public and often private school. First, homeschooling is done where? In the home! So you school where you play, eat, sleep, and live! There is no separating the two and typically this encourages good behavior and a more relaxed setting. Secondly, the teachers are the parents, or in my case, mostly my mother as my father would be out working. So there is no hiding my school performance from my parents, there is no "detention" or school punishments like the traditional school systems offer, instead everything is linked to your personal life. Poor performance in school can mean being issued more studying time, having sports taken away, toys, or even being grounded. And we face our parents everyday! It's not like we leave everyday to school, see our friends, and talk about every little detail of our lives and complain about our parents! Well, we still did that when we were with out friends but not nearly to the same degree as our counterparts in the educational system. We had no traditional "refuge" as you could call it and this forced us to be responsible for ourselves and to take action. We didn't retreat from hard times, instead we thrived on hard times and eventually overcame them to succeed.

In addition to being homeschooled, my family comes from a strictly Norwegian/Swedish background. My parents took their heritage very seriously and they thrived on hard work to a degree that makes them superhuman. For example, I've never lived in a house built by someone other than my father. We started out poor, I mean so poor that McDonalds was considered a treat every other month. But he would manage to save enough to build us a nice home to live in, and he built these houses by himself. That's what he did for a living, he designed and built homes. He has no college degree either. He learned to draft in highschool and after a few years of drafting he figured he could build a house. Sure enough he did! My mother is an Olympic runner and comes from a rough background, ever since I've been around she's been getting up at 4:00 AM to run anywhere from 3-10 miles. She's in her fifties and still going strong.

Everything my siblings and I were taught, we took very seriously. And one thing that sets us and I'd argue most homeschoolers apart from their school-system counterparts are their social skills. Society typically views us as "weird" or "backwards" or "awkward" and I used to resent those phrases but now I actually feel warmth. Because we spent (and many homeschoolers still spend) most our time working, schooling, playing sports, and being active in clubs and organizations, we never really got "time to ourselves" as most kids do. We simply didn't have time for it, so when the opportunity would arise where we could hang out with our friends without the pressure of upcoming deadlines, we relished it. We would speak about our ideas and passions that we cared most deeply for, and form bonds with each other that few would understand. There is simply no way to describe it.

Homeschooling allows kids to tinker, play, and experiment without any extended pressure. While our counterparts in public and private institutions are focusing on memorizing for an exam simply so that can pass the test and then forget everything, we are truely learning, working at a dynamic pace and fulfilling a need that every child deserves. So what if our clothes aren't as hip, or we aren't familiar with the latest slang and gossip. We know how to build stuff, to create, to innovate, to lead others, and to think outside of societies box. That's a proper education! While millions of kids are learning how to play follow the leader and work in a small cubicle doing God know's what, we are creating small-businesses, developing new medicines, building skyscrapers, and setting our communities and families up for success. We don't always become rich but we are successful, happy, and willing to learn. Homeschooling provides an environment that fosters passion for learning, for hard work, and for family bonding. What's typical for us is atypical for the rest.

Home is where the heart is

That never meant much to me. The saying that "home is where the heart is". I've never understood that until now, unfortunately. I am 26 by the way.

Doing something because you have to and doing something because you want to are completely opposite and lead to entirely unique outcomes. Let's say you're baking an apple pie, but you really don't want to bake it. You'd rather be doing other things but you had made a promise to the local homeless shelter saying you'd contribute by baking this pie. You also have a lot going on in your life; work, a girlfriend or boyfriend, your usual gym time, and whatever else. You view this pie as a pain in the ass and as such you may not pay close attention to the list of ingredients and forget the sugar; you're not paying attention to the amount of sugar you're putting in the pie and rather than measure it you're just "winging" it and putting in what you think is the right amount because measuring takes too much time and being the busy person you are it's just not worth it. You pop it in the oven and forget to set the timer, or you do set it and simply forget about it and go about your business.

My point is that you really are much more likely to bake a better pie if you bake with love as opposed to doing it because you feel obligated to. This scenario can be expanded to include anything else. 

Conclusion: wherever you apply yourself and whatever you put your heart into, you will see success and the return on your investment will be paid back and then some.

Looking around, there are plenty of average people. I know this one guy and he looks pretty average, talks pretty average, and doesn't really stand out from everyone else. He dresses in low-key clothes that don't cost a lot, he enjoys talking about football, trucks, and wildlife and doesn't have any interest in physics, mathematics, or what Bill Gross is up to. He doesn't get really excited about much, at least not apparently so. He's just a simple man: what you see is what you get.

Well, I wanted to know more about this guy because I saw him everyday and interacted with him nearly every day. And no matter what I never saw him upset or sad. He always seemed more like content if not happy. And I thought "how is that possible?" How are his emotions in check like that all the time? He must be hiding something!

Not really. He grew up on a ranch fifty miles from the nearest town with his parents and three siblings. Winter temperatures would sink to -40 Fahrenheit, summers a scorching 110. His entire family relied upon the nations demand for their cattle. Some years were good, some were bad, most were just ok. He grew up modest, and was raised to treat others fairly. You could say he was raised pretty well. 

Fast forward to today and he's my age, 26. He has three kids, a beautiful wife, a nice new home, new truck, still seems like the nice guy I knew back in highschool. In fact, his personality hasn't changed a bit. Same sense of humor and mostly the same interests. He rarely, if ever, complains about anything. And if he does it's in a mostly joking tone and he'll start and end it in one sentence.

I've always asked myself: "why is he so much happier than I am?" Here I am with more education and knowledge than most people according to my years in college and yet I don't know the answer to this seemingly simple question. 

One time not too long ago my truck broke down. I popped the hood, got out, and looked all around. "That's the engine... there's the oil-gauge, wiper fluid reservoir,  serpentine belt.... battery...." I could identify most parts of the engine but had no clue as to what was wrong let alone how to fix it. I thought for a while about who I could call but being in a place I wasn't very familiar with I didn't know many people. The people I did know were more acquaintances than friends. Mostly by their choosing because I can be a very selfish person. Going through my contacts on my phone I come across his name and thought about calling him. Before I did I weighed my options of everything: "I could call a tow-truck but they will charge me an outrageous fee.... I could call such and such and they would probably come but I'm not very close with them and haven't treated them well in the past..." I was out of options and decided to call him, but before I did I had one fear that crossed my mind "what is he going to think? He'll probably think I am useless and not even a man!"... wait! Do you see what happened there? I stopped to think about what he thought. Interesting. Anyway, I called him up and as usual he answered with the same cool "hello" he's always had. I explained my situation and he said he just had to finish something at work but he would be over in 15 minutes. Whew! He'll figure it out I thought!

15 minutes later he shows up. Looks at the engine bay, tried starting my truck within 30 seconds tells me "your alternator is no good".... hmmm.... I've heard that word before but I really don't know anything about it. He shows me where it is and tells me he'll take me to a place and get a new one and install it. I thought "wow sure yeah!" We go to an auto-parts store and he tells them which one I need. We return to my truck and he proceeds to take out his tools and work on getting my old alternator out and replacing it with a new one. About an hour later my truck is running again! I thank him and offer to pay him/buy him a beer and whatever else! He tells me not to worry about then before driving off says jokingly that I should drive slower! 

Thinking about it I realized that he's that strong, steady man every woman wants to be with and every man desires to be like. The most beautiful women have always pursued him but he's never really been interested until he met the girl that would later be his wife. He would always tell jokes even if it was -30 with the wind howling and we were both absolutely miserable on a job site. He's never been afraid to try doing something himself. Most of the time he would fail on his first attempt or two but by the third try he'd get it. I'm terrified of heights but he'd climb up the side of a mountain without hesitation. I would hit a jump on my dirtbike going 40mph, then he'd hit it going 50mph. I'd say "I can't do that" to something and then he'd go and do it. I'd date different women and complain about life, he'd stay single and complain about there not being enough beer. I'd Google "how to fix a car" he'd be out there doing it. Friends would call me and ask if I could help them move and I'd decline saying I didn't have the time. When friends asked him he'd say "yeah sure I'll help you move, I'll bring my truck and some pizza too!" 

He was basically my opposite. Almost never getting angry, never sad or too upset about anything. Always logical, direct, and light-hearted. I'd talk about quantum mechanics and he'd talk about the Seahawks. I made six figures and he was barely scraping by but somehow he managed to build himself a nice house, afford nice vehicles, marry the most beautiful girl within 500 miles, and was known to everyone within that same range. No one had anything bad to say about him and he had nothing to say about anyone else. I thought "he's just doing what everyone does" but it turns out it was the opposite. He's a hardcore Christian, doesn't care for cursing, dislikes drugs, never had pre-marital sex, and in social-scenes he was always calm and focused. No matter how bad you treated him he would never return the favor and continued to treat everyone as equals. He had specific values and principles that I never once saw broken. 

This guy is a good friend of mine and no matter how poor of character I've been or lacking of love he's always been nearby. There's a lot to be said about a man who has substance like that and none of them are bad. 

Family

Let's talk about family for a minute... or ten!

I have to say I am so thankful for my family and could not imagine being blessed with a better family! They are the best family in the world to have!

My family is fairly big, mom, dad, and six of us kids. We grew up very different from everyone else and I cannot possibly explain in words, thoughts, or actions how thankful I am for them and how much they mean to me. It's really a spiritual thing when I think about them.

I have never met anyone else who works as hard as my parents do with such honor, ethics, and smarts that they have. My father is an architect, drafter, designer, carpenter, builder, mechanic, handyman, and many other things unofficially. He would be out building a homes by himself in weather that would range from -30 Fahrenheit to +110.  I don't know anyone like that. He would be out there working six days a week, 12 hours a day, for 30 years! He built a small empire and provided a life for his family while watching us play sports and encouraging us to push on and beyond what we think or anyone else thinks. He taught me that honor comes first. To do right by God, then family. When I was eight and getting into fights with local kids he would tell me "don't start fights and do what you can to avoid them, but if you're in danger and they are hitting you then you hit them back so hard they never think about hitting you again.-Stand up for yourself." or another bit when I was thinking about what I would do for the future "people need three things: food, clothing, and shelter. If you can come up with something that has to do with those and you work harder at it then everyone else, you can succeed." I called him one time and complained about life and how frustrated I was and he said "remember that movie? Two mice are in a bowl of milk and swimming to stay afloat, the one gives up and drowns, the other keeps moving his arms and eventually churns the milk into butter. You just have to keep moving forward."

He would never let me complain, never let me quit. The margin for error was slim with him, and even failing at something was grounds for a stern look of disappointment in his eyes. But that encouraged me to do better and achieve greater results. He always leads the way and has my back. After working a 12 hour day in 100 degree temperatures, he would come home to help me with my math. He would make me sit at the table with him for three hours as I struggled through algebra.

He taught me how to change a tire, build a house, make a square cut, pour concrete, make a budget, how to succeed and to never quit. Be relentless and go the extra mile. He taught me with his actions, not so much words. He has never been big on conversation, he's a quintessential Norwegian. Strong as a bull-moose, level-headed, hard worker, relentless, God fearing, and he has never given a damn what people think.

Doesn't smoke, drink, or curse. If God ever came down to earth in human form again, it'd be in the form of my father. The devil himself is afraid of him. Death has tried to take him several times and failed. I believe death is now afraid of him. He is the embodiment of 300 spartans in one man. I've never seen him quit, never seen him give up, never seen him fail. He is all that is man.

And my mom. I could say many of the same things. She is strong, relentless, hard-nosed, determined, smart, and absolutely detests wickedness. She's also incredibly loving, supportive and has been there for me through thick and thin. She's always encouraged me and driven me to succeed. To be positive no matter what. Ever I've known her (26 years now), she's been rising at 4:00 AM to run anywhere from 3-10 miles in the morning through rain, sun, snow, and every imaginable temperature. Followed by a workout, cooking, cleaning, getting the house and all of us ready for the day then taking us wherever we needed to be. She's the perfect and highest embodiment of determination and the relentless pursuit of the spirit. Death tried to take her a couple of times and like my father, she whooped death.

As I write this I feel myself becoming overwhelmed with thoughts of her and her accomplishments and realize I cannot adequately describe them or her like she deserves. All I can say is no other woman has worked like her. She's been a law-student, home-maker, olympic athlete, pillar of strength that's kept the family together in times of hardship, and is simply the most amazing woman on the planet. I am so blessed by God to have such amazing and wonder parents!

My older sister is an engineer and just a brilliant one at that! She is so smart it's ridiculous! She is the perfect embodiment of my parents: smart, beautiful, hard-working, independent, and doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks. She's always been there for me and has never had a problem being brutally honest with me even when I didn't want her to be haha!

She's a former drill-team girl, newspaper columnist, dancer, athlete, and now engineer, fisherman, hunter, and rancher.

My older brother is the strongest, most ablest, kindest, and sincerest person I've ever known. I'd get into fights a lot when I was younger and he'd always have my back! Ok, not really! He enjoyed seeing me get into trouble haha! But he would step in when he really had to. I played sports with him like basketball, hockey, soccer, baseball, even gymnastics! I've always looked up to him because no matter how good I was at something he was always better! I still haven't played against someone as good as him in basketball or hockey! Other than my father, he is my inspiration!

One year in baseball I would brag to my friends that my brother had a size 15 shoe, and he was only a freshman in highschool. Yeah they didn't think it was that cool, but I did. Everyone falls in love with him too, and growing up was a real problem for me haha! Girls would always swoon over him, and my friends wanted to be like him.

Today, he struggles with anxiety and depression unfortunately. And I would give anything and will continue to work as hard as I can to help him. It's terribly upsetting and is one of the few things that makes me really sad.

After him comes me, followed by my younger sister.

She's only a year younger so we've always spent a lot of time together. She's always been stubborn, incredibly smart, driven, and curious. Not too mention she's also beautiful! If I didn't lose my friends to my brother's influence, I'd lose them to her looks. We were super close growing up and shared/did everything together.

She's now married, pursuing a nursing degree, and living a good life!

Next comes my other sister who is now a senior in highschool! Her and my next youngest sister are closer in age than the rest of us so there has always been a disconnect between us four older ones and them two. But she is also very beautiful and is more introverted. She's incredibly smart too, in fact so smart it's like she's a copy of my oldest sister! She reads constantly, succeeds in everything she does, and is a super well-grounded girl.

I hate to say it but I've missed out on her life so much. Because of school, work, traveling, and my own selfishness, I have missed out on much of her life. It makes me terribly sad to think that all those years are gone and shes about to go off to college. She's no longer that little girl that I used to play soccer with, the one I taught to ride a bike, to ride a four-wheeler, and told stupid jokes to. I am so ashamed of myself whenever I look at her because I know I have failed to be the brother she deserves.

Same goes with my youngest sister. She takes after my sister who is a year younger than me, rather than my oldest sister. She's more extroverted, sporty, and rocks the blonde hair. She's such a beautiful girl and probably the happiest girl I've ever met. She's always smiling, working towards something, and expressive of how she feels.

Man, my biggest regret is not living life. I have been so consumed by wickedness that I missed out on many things; two of them being my two youngest sisters. I love them with all my heart and soul and will spend the rest of my life loving them and being the best older brother I can.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

I woke up later than usual since I have re-worked my schedule. I was able to finally sleep in until 7:00 AM rather than having to rise at 5:30! It felt good and I was mostly refreshed when I woke.

I always start the day with a glass or two of water, a spoonful of peanut butter with honey, a twenty minute workout of dips, pullups, pushups, crunches, and situps, right?! Well I didn't this morning, instead I walked out on to my balcony on the second floor of my apartment--which sits atop a big hill--and overlooks the entire city. From across the way on another hill I can see the campus and it's newly renovated football stadium, apartment complexes, and a sky-crane hoisting materials around the job site where a new dormitory is being constructed.

As I sit drinking my glass of water (ok it was a plastic cup) and looking over the city I thought about my goals, dreams, and the reality of where I am. I don't mean just geographically, though that did cross my thoughts, I mean where I am with my life. I have fallen short of 90% of the goals I have set for myself. That's a lot.

Just to give you an example of some of my goals that I have not reached (mostly because I'm lazy and complacent):

1. Marry my long-time girlfriend. We've been together for over five years and I haven't proposed.
2. Graduate in good standing within a field of my specific interest.
3. Create an outstanding business.
4. Become a good friend and reliable person.
5. Eliminate fear, doubt, and worry from my life.
6. Be Godly.
7. Achieve financial success.
8. Make new friends every week.
9. Travel to exotic locations.
10. Love unconditionally.

It's just ten things that most people have already accomplished at my age. Oh yeah, by the way I am 26.. I realized I have never mentioned that before so it's better to get it out there.

Another thing that has been on my mind a lot is a friend. I went to college with him for a year and half during my days in engineering. He was a petroleum engineering major and also on the football team. He came from Wyoming and was damn proud of it! Actually, I think he is still proud of it haha. But he's a really good guy. He didn't do well in his major but I think it was because he didn't really enjoy it. --You have to do what you're passionate about--. Now let me tell you something about this guy; he's thrives on high energy and is a total extrovert. I think this was the first time he came across something he couldn't do. In the middle of our second semester sophomore year he left back to Wyoming. I guess he'd had enough of Montana and engineering. I saw it as him quitting, just giving up and running away with his tail between his legs. I lost respect for him right there.

After that he fell into obscurity in my life. I rarely talked to him and didn't think much about what he was doing. I deleted Facebook and quit the whole social aspect of the internet so I didn't really know what he was up to. Come to find out, his life didn't fall apart. He was depressed or thrown into a spiral of doom like I thought might happen (yes I am a super depressing and dumb guy for thinking things like that). He had his ups and downs and wasn't happy with not succeeding in engineering but he ended up finding his true calling and discovering a kind of joy that most people, including myself, only dream of! He picked up a pen and notepad and went back to school. Studying business management in his home state of Wyoming he did well. Actually, well doesn't really describe it accurately.  He did outstanding! While he was in school he took that knowledge and immediately applied it to creating his own business. That business led to another, which led to a third. While I was caught in one of the most depressing times of my life, he was out making money. Were not talking pennies and dimes, no way! He was making six figures within a year! It was absolutely insane and I had no idea any of this was happening.

Then one day out of the blue I received a text from him asking if I, or anyone I knew needed his services. I said no but decided to look into what he was doing. I was simply blown away. He had a new house, truck, nice clothes, and was living the dream. Huh, pretty interesting I thought, right? I brushed it aside and figured he just got lucky. Well, this lucky guy got even luckier then if that's what it was. He made connections, met a girl and within two months of meeting her they married! Turns out she has her own business as well and they work together on a lot of their projects.

Today, they have been married over a year, he has left his old-self and has become a man of intense power! I admire him more than almost anyone, and he doesn't know it. Along with his successful marriage, him and his wife travel around the world attending financial and self-help conventions, working, taking vacations, and freeing sex slaves around the globe! I cannot put into words how amazing of a person he has become and how I proud I am to call him my friend. He's taken it a step further and become a Christian, a very vocal and proud Christian at that! It's weird talking with him, looking at his Facebook profile, and now his own website that has his full name as the url, because he's become an entirely different person then who he once was. He has never stopped working! All this time while my life was on hold his was not. He picked himself back up and accomplished more as a result of his initial failure in engineering than he ever would have had he not failed.

Amazing!

I just thought I would share that because it's been on my mind a lot lately and it gives me hope and at the same time makes me feel ashamed of myself for being negative, egotistical, and lazy. Complacency and negativity are two of the worst habits a person can develop. It wears you down and crushes your soul, and defeats your mental edge. It prevents you from developing relationships, from liberating yourself from debt and financial strain, and can send you towards a black-hole-like depression.

Like any habit, it can be changed by substituting all the bad things for good ones. That what we all must do in life. Live as fruitfully and happily as we can through the creation of good habits!

Wealth

The accumulation of wealth and wealth's definition per Merriam-Webster "A large amount of money and possessions" is important, but not more important than character. However, I want to discuss the matter of wealth specifically.

According to the definition above, if you have a lot of possessions you're not wealthy. If you have a lot of money but lack possessions, again you're not wealthy. However, if you have either, you're most likely to accumulate both. You may sell your possessions for money, or you may use your money to gain possessions. While one side of the equation decreases the other increases. Viola!

We must work to obtain wealth. We work for money, and we use that money to obtain possessions or more money through investment or reinvestment in our own lives.

Get a job, any job! As you become more productive with your time and more skilled in various tasks your time will become more valuable and thus you can hope to get paid more at your current job or you may find a better-paying job. This is a ladder-effect and continues ad-infinitum.

I enjoy working as it gives me a sense of accomplishment, confidence, increases my existing skills or creates whole new skills, and of course working earn me money and I use at least part of that income to reinvest in myself via purchases of food, shelter, and clothing. I also prefer going further than that and invest in new vehicles that provide me with better gas mileage or perhaps if I'm in construction then something with more towing capacity. I invest in books because I find them relaxing and I am learning something new that either directly or indirectly will have a positive influence in my life. I invest in better, more wholesome foods, taking a night out on the town to see a movie or grab dinner, etc. And if I really have a lot of cash, I would love to invest in a new home and land. Actually, I grew up building residential homes and apartments, so I would purchase a large plot of land let's say 20-40 acres, and build a nice 2500-3000 square foot home. Purchase plenty of animals, buy an engagement ring for the lady and finally begin a great life. It's nice not having to worry about the small expenses such as fuel, natural gas, electricity, water, sewage, phone bills, clothing, food, etc. It's even better to not have to worry about larger expenses such as mortgage payments or rent, insurance, etc. What's more, once you begin a life of ever increasing wealth accumulation, you can help out those in need. You can help your friends with expenses or take them out for a beer, or perhaps you can help your parents when/if they're in financial need.

There is nothing to stop you or I from accumulating ever greater amounts of wealth. Fear of people, or fear of commitment shouldn't stop anyone. Whether you're working fast-food or in the financial sector, there is honor and pride that can and should be found. Some jobs are more disingenuous than others, and some are down-right evil, but even then honor can be found through human determination and will-power.

We work to for money and pay to better ourselves. It's the way the world works. Let nothing stop you!