I am starting a new path of financial independence and goal-driven purpose through the development of a new business centered around data organization and analytics.
The website is in its early development stages but basically I am going to teach and assist business, working professionals, and folks who need a hand in making sense of the data they have or want to obtain.
All data and information will be organized and analyzed through Microsoft Excel and R.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Sex and sexual attraction
I have never written about sex before but I am going to give it a shot here now because it is on my mind. Bear with me please!
I grew up a conservative Christian guy, I always had a girlfriend and always had girls chasing me, I enjoyed the attention and I enjoyed giving them attention in both dimensions of the word. However, when I first went to college I realized an eye-opening experience: women wanted sex as much as men wanted sex. I always affiliated sex with being dirty and sinful if done outside of the need for procreation. I was a virgin.
I dated very beautiful women, and had no problem getting nearly any girl I wanted. No, I am not trying to be cocky or anything of that nature, rather, I am simply stating that I was a good looking guy and good looks go a long ways. The issue I had was how shy I was; once I got the girl it was difficult to keep her because I could be awkward. Well, eventually I figured out how to talk to women so the digits just kept flying my way but I could never keep a girl. One girl, after another, after another dumped me. It was happening ad nauseum! I called up my big sister one day and told her how frustrating it was being 18-19, and how I no woman wanted to stay with me. She asked "are you having sex?" I said "no, of course not! I'm still a virgin until marriage!" "well" she replied "that's why they're breaking up with you". I hadn't thought about that but then I began to put the pieces together and realized that every break would occur one or two days after I told a girl I was waiting until marriage to have sex.
One day I thought I would end that by having sex, I did it but I didn't enjoy it. I felt dirty and lower than I had ever felt because I gave into the one sin I had forbid myself from doing. After that, it was like the flood gates came down and I wanted as much of it as I could get (responsibly of course). This led to a series of volatile relationships, heart-break, and eventually it turned me into a bitter, jaded, and for a while, a very sexist man. I began dating multiple women at once, I'd go by and pick up one girl at 5:00 PM, bring her home by 8:00 PM, then swing over to another girls house and hang out with her until 1:00 or 2:00 AM. Sometimes I'd take out three girls in one day! I thought I was living every guys fantasy and truth be told I was, but in all of it I felt no satisfaction and eventually became so disgusted with myself that I completely stopped dating, and shut myself down.
Anyway, that is a brief history. Now on to the current situation:
I am on my seventh year of college (excluding two breaks totaling two years total), and am going on 27 years of age. My libido is pretty much gone, or I think. I still notice attractive women but my thoughts and expressions towards them is excruciatingly repressed, mostly because of the experiences I had in my past with women. Most of the women at my university are between the ages of 18-23, which I feel very conflicted over. Many of them are very beautiful, intelligent, and seem like they have great personalities, however a lot of them have interests far different from my own, and they talk a lot about "getting ratchet"... I think that means crazy? And drinking. I think maybe the drinking is implied in the term "ratchet"? Anyway, I feel like were on two different levels. But they also just look young, I mean really, very young to me. I feel attracted to their bodies and physique, but less attracted to their interests, how they live their lives, and to some extent... their faces. They just look too young. But this seems antithetical because everyone I have talked with ranging from the ages of 25-33, all love younger girls, specifically girls between the ages of 18-23. So, now I question whether or not I really am attracted to these women or not. Every guy I know except for 1, wants these women, the one and myself are more attracted to women older than ourselves (27+)... but I wonder if maybe I am jaded and bitter by my previous relationships with women of the 18-23 age range and that has perhaps created some sort of mental barrier for me, or if I am generally not attracted to them. Still, I wonder if I am attracted to them but I simply convince myself that I am not.
I believe sex is a great thing now, and I enjoy it mostly, but it completely messes me up. For the four days after I have intercourse, I experience sometimes devastating mood-swings where I feel incredibly sad and depressed, I also experience memory loss. Equations, theories, even what I last ate become terribly difficult things to remember. I've also noticed that I become physically weak, shaky, and develop dry skin, eyes, and lips.It's like the life is sucked out of me leaving me to dry, wither, and fade away. It's terrible.
So I wonder if I avoid younger women so as to avoid the entire subject of sex and how it affects me, or if I avoid them because I am bitter towards them as a result of my past. I also admit that talking to a younger woman through flirtation makes me feel kind of creepy because I feel so much older. But maybe I am thinking about it too much?
When I hear a couple having sex, or see an attractive girl who is dressed in exceedingly revealing clothes, I become turned on, but when the time comes to talk to a girl or "put out" I fail miserably, mostly because of my nerves, but also because I feel like a creepy guy.
Am I missing out on something?
Perhaps I fear intimacy and specifically sex because I am terrible at being physically intimate with people, as in opening-up to them and having that "vulnerable" kind of feeling, vulnerable where they completely see you and judge you.The nerves, the vulnerability, etc. Scary!
But then again, maybe I would be a better person, or perhaps a happier person if I was consistently having intimacy with someone. Of course, that would require me to feel vulnerable and to open myself up to a woman, but perhaps that is exactly what I need or maybe that is what secretly or deeply desire. Maybe then I would feel more complete or happier, or just more alive.
Maybe I need to open up more in general to people and spend less time thinking and more time doing?
Perhaps I fear intimacy and specifically sex because I am terrible at being physically intimate with people, as in opening-up to them and having that "vulnerable" kind of feeling, vulnerable where they completely see you and judge you.The nerves, the vulnerability, etc. Scary!
But then again, maybe I would be a better person, or perhaps a happier person if I was consistently having intimacy with someone. Of course, that would require me to feel vulnerable and to open myself up to a woman, but perhaps that is exactly what I need or maybe that is what secretly or deeply desire. Maybe then I would feel more complete or happier, or just more alive.
Maybe I need to open up more in general to people and spend less time thinking and more time doing?
Monday, March 30, 2015
My brother.
He's always been bigger than me, stronger than I could ever hope to be, and in all things he always seemed to figure it out before me. On more than one occasion he helped me in fights, helped me with homework, work stuff, he was always there for me.
When we were teenagers waking up at six in the morning to go out and build a house, I would moan and grumble, complain and grudge along. My brother was silent and steady, never did he complain, never was he hesitant to get out to work. Throughout the day he just kept on going like the energizer bunny and never quit. I've seen him break all the fingers in his hands and even then he managed to laugh it off, no tears, no complaints. I've seen him fall off a roof and get right back up and keep working. I've seen him go to school, go to work, and go to two different sports practices in the same day for years at a time with hardly anything more than a sigh.
We played games together, staying up late on school nights eating chips and salsa while playing Timesplitters, or SSB. He never treated me unfairly, nor did he ever treat me better than I thought I deserved, though sometimes at work he could see me falling behind and would come over just to help me finish my task before returning to his. I never stood much of a chance against him in anything; basketball he could out shoot me, soccer he could out run me, in hockey he was so much smarter than me, even when it came to women I never stood a chance; they always wanted him over me.
Together, we would take the 88' red Ford with bald tires and rust, a truck as old as me, and drive to practices, to work, or out to the store. Even though we were homeschooled the town knew of us, especially him. When I was six feet tall he was six foot four. When my foot was a size 10, his was a 15.
I've always been quick to anger, and slow to forgive; where as he has always been quick to forgive and slow to anger, so slow at times it's scary. All the times I got into fights with people and had to have my brother come help, the other guys withdrew. Every. Single. Time. When the biggest bully in the town came around to fight me, I had my brother simply stare him down. Not once did anyone challenge him, not because they didn't have a problem with him, but because of his size and what they knew of him.
When I couldn't figure out an angle at work or if I couldn't figure out something myself he could always figure it out, I never felt big next to him as hard as I try.
Where have you gone my brother? Where are you now? What has happened to you? The moment for touching the ice is not yet come so why do you flee now? Have I not been a good brother to you? Do you not know what you mean to us all? How can I move on? How am I supposed to move forward with my life knowing you are not? My heart is not the same; my heart is not whole. Where is your strength brother? Who has done this to you? Your friends call, call, and call, and yet you do not answer. You never had an enemy, you were never disliked. That was me, it was I who they did not like, it was I who was to blame. You were loved, and have always been loved please do not do this. I wish I could have your pain so you could live as you always used to. I wish I could carry your load for you so you might be free and without burden. The love we have for you, the love I have you is beyond the scale of this life so if I could but give you some of this matter I'd ask for you be better.
When we were teenagers waking up at six in the morning to go out and build a house, I would moan and grumble, complain and grudge along. My brother was silent and steady, never did he complain, never was he hesitant to get out to work. Throughout the day he just kept on going like the energizer bunny and never quit. I've seen him break all the fingers in his hands and even then he managed to laugh it off, no tears, no complaints. I've seen him fall off a roof and get right back up and keep working. I've seen him go to school, go to work, and go to two different sports practices in the same day for years at a time with hardly anything more than a sigh.
We played games together, staying up late on school nights eating chips and salsa while playing Timesplitters, or SSB. He never treated me unfairly, nor did he ever treat me better than I thought I deserved, though sometimes at work he could see me falling behind and would come over just to help me finish my task before returning to his. I never stood much of a chance against him in anything; basketball he could out shoot me, soccer he could out run me, in hockey he was so much smarter than me, even when it came to women I never stood a chance; they always wanted him over me.
Together, we would take the 88' red Ford with bald tires and rust, a truck as old as me, and drive to practices, to work, or out to the store. Even though we were homeschooled the town knew of us, especially him. When I was six feet tall he was six foot four. When my foot was a size 10, his was a 15.
I've always been quick to anger, and slow to forgive; where as he has always been quick to forgive and slow to anger, so slow at times it's scary. All the times I got into fights with people and had to have my brother come help, the other guys withdrew. Every. Single. Time. When the biggest bully in the town came around to fight me, I had my brother simply stare him down. Not once did anyone challenge him, not because they didn't have a problem with him, but because of his size and what they knew of him.
When I couldn't figure out an angle at work or if I couldn't figure out something myself he could always figure it out, I never felt big next to him as hard as I try.
Where have you gone my brother? Where are you now? What has happened to you? The moment for touching the ice is not yet come so why do you flee now? Have I not been a good brother to you? Do you not know what you mean to us all? How can I move on? How am I supposed to move forward with my life knowing you are not? My heart is not the same; my heart is not whole. Where is your strength brother? Who has done this to you? Your friends call, call, and call, and yet you do not answer. You never had an enemy, you were never disliked. That was me, it was I who they did not like, it was I who was to blame. You were loved, and have always been loved please do not do this. I wish I could have your pain so you could live as you always used to. I wish I could carry your load for you so you might be free and without burden. The love we have for you, the love I have you is beyond the scale of this life so if I could but give you some of this matter I'd ask for you be better.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Psychology of actions versus intent
Imagine living in a world of accomplishment; where everything you do, say, and think, is part of a broad plan of "success engineering", and propels you forward toward your goals. You do not "waste time" with your thoughts, you're not "lazy", rather you're the envy of the world. Jumping from task to task, accomplishing feat after feat. It sounds amazing right?
It is amazing to dream about, but the reality is I am not that productive and yet I hold myself to such standards as I believe to be perfect. For ten years I have tried to reach that level of satisfaction and have not attained, no matter how hard I try or how much I actually accomplish it is not enough and leaves me wanting more. In my conscious mind I seem to have my desires and goals structured around a rigid set of rules that go some thing like "do this, then this, then that, followed by this, followed by that... etc.." and it has done nothing but harm me, my self-confidence, and actually hurt my ability to accomplish anything. Why? Because I feel as though I must subscribe to such rigid rules to become the person I dream of being. And there is absolutely no wriggle room within my rules and schedule for doing anything else, or for anything unexpected. If I fail to meet any of my goals or to abide by my rules then I feel worthless, shameful, and humiliated. No one knows the pain other than myself.
So what would happen if I free myself from those rules? What happens if I am not exerting all of my energy, time, and devotion to this image of perfection? Would I be happier? Would I possibly become more successful? It would be like leaving one world and entering another, one where the judgments are different and perhaps not quite as harsh, one where forgiveness not only exists but is possible to achieve, one where people are not simply villains out to destroy me but rather opportunities, where love is encompassing, where communication means something, where I don't have to feel terrible all of the time.
A line must be drawn, and a decision made: Do I live for happiness which inevitably comes with hard work and sacrifice or do I live for pleasure, quick reward, and an inevitable life of regret and self-wallowing? I think it is clear that happiness does not exist within a rigid world devoid of love and passion.
A line must be drawn, and a decision made: Do I live for happiness which inevitably comes with hard work and sacrifice or do I live for pleasure, quick reward, and an inevitable life of regret and self-wallowing? I think it is clear that happiness does not exist within a rigid world devoid of love and passion.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Organization and the story of a struggle with organizing.
Organizing is a stressful, often complicated task, no job, that must be done to some extent in life yet it is one of those facets of human existence that can never be seen to completion. There are small blips of successfully organized quests of organization, where you set aside a time within your day to organize something and see it through to completion; it might be a cluttered desk, swamped with papers about stuff, or objects used as tools like a stapler or keyboard for your computer. Some people thrive on disorganization and some level of entropy in the bubble of a world they create within the fabric of their consciousness.
According to Merriam Webster, to organize means to "arrange or order things so that they can be found or used easily quickly: to put things in a particular arrangement or order".
I personally struggle with organization everyday in almost everything I do. What makes the situation worse is that longer you go without organizing and without attempting to structure your life in some way, shape, or form, the worse the problem gets. It is a problem of compounding, that's it. From organizing my home to organizing my schedule, to organizing my books.
Within my mind I believe that I must have every facet of my life organized to the smallest, most singular element. No atom may act on it's own; they all must be lumped together in some kind of molecular structure. The problem with this ideology of mine is that it is a carry-over from my high-school years, a time when I actually had both the time and the means to accomplish it.
--Now that I am nearly 27 years of age with a full schedule, I no longer have the means or the time to accomplish my desired level of organization. At least, not to such a quantum scale. So is the fault my high-school ideology? In part, yes. But it's also a fault of mine not to reexamine my philosophy and adjust it according to my current schedule and demands. Organization is a must to a certain degree, but beyond that it is simply for aesthetic or pleasurable means. In other words, it no longer becomes efficient. Organizing my DVD's, none of which I have watched in the past six months, does not help my become a better, or more intelligent person. I am not paid to do it, nor am I asked by anyone to see it done. It would simply because I prefer to have them organized by alphabetical order.
With that in mind, the cost/benefit analysis is simply skewed too far in terms of cost for it to be worth my time. But what about something not so carnal as DVD's? What about something more important to my daily life like my finances? Schedule of classes and their related demands?
I think this is where it becomes essential, but again only to a certain degree. I can schedule my classes according to my level of desirability to fit into to my preferences. I do not schedule my classes around my work/social schedule because I rate my classes as a top priority, which is a level of priority higher than my social or work schedule. Everything else is scheduled around them.
But now I come to a psychological quandary: dwelling on opportunity costs, worrying, and spending copious amounts of time and energy then doubting my final decision. This is quite literally the habitual activity that takes up the most of my time and energy. There is simply nothing in my life as demanding as my worry, doubt, and constant dwelling of such things. Not only does it cost my physically in terms of my health, but also spiritually, financially, morally, and mentally.
The solution is simple: less of the costly, detrimental stuff like worrying and more stuff like creating and living a life of happiness. But this is so difficult for me, because everyday I wake up like this:
"I am so tired."
"I am so weak."
"I am so ugly."
"I am so dumb."
"I have to go to class today."
"I have to go to work today."
"I have to see people today."
"I have to speak correctly."
"I have to think correctly."
"I have to be focused."
"I have to read today."
"I have to go to the gym today."
"I have to run today."
"Why did I not run further today?"
"Why did I not study more today?"
"Why did I not speak better today?"
"No, I said that wrong I have to correct my mistake by saying something correct."
"I have to brush my teeth."
"I should have eaten healthier."
"I forgot to call Zach and Thomas."
"I forgot to call my parents."
"I have to meditate."
"I still have to file my taxes."
"Remember that time I kicked the ball wrong?"
"I miss so many people in my life."
"She hasn't texted me back, I must have said something wrong.--I could have said it better."
"I don't like my hair,"
"I don't like how hairy I am."
"Gosh I can't speak right today."
"Damnit, I have to do the dishes."
... and on and on and on... imagine going through that everyday. Not just every single day of your life for the past ten years, but imagine playing out that list of shit over and over again in your head like a record, throughout the day everyday.
That's what I am trying to communicate to everyone. That is literally how my life is and how I spend so much time and energy everyday. As a result, I have it structured like a perfect system in my mind, and anytime something unexpected occurs, like someone asking me to help them with something, I completely crash because my structure leaves no room for outside activities, or unexpected circumstances. It is completely unorthodox and even worse completely idiotic.
An idea: be creative, be assertive, and live life with only the most fundamental rules. One key phrase I heard a few years ago went something like this: "If you have to repeat to yourself everyday as a reminder to convince yourself to do it, it's not worth doing. If you have to remind yourself constantly, it's not worth remembering".
According to Merriam Webster, to organize means to "arrange or order things so that they can be found or used easily quickly: to put things in a particular arrangement or order".
I personally struggle with organization everyday in almost everything I do. What makes the situation worse is that longer you go without organizing and without attempting to structure your life in some way, shape, or form, the worse the problem gets. It is a problem of compounding, that's it. From organizing my home to organizing my schedule, to organizing my books.
Within my mind I believe that I must have every facet of my life organized to the smallest, most singular element. No atom may act on it's own; they all must be lumped together in some kind of molecular structure. The problem with this ideology of mine is that it is a carry-over from my high-school years, a time when I actually had both the time and the means to accomplish it.
--Now that I am nearly 27 years of age with a full schedule, I no longer have the means or the time to accomplish my desired level of organization. At least, not to such a quantum scale. So is the fault my high-school ideology? In part, yes. But it's also a fault of mine not to reexamine my philosophy and adjust it according to my current schedule and demands. Organization is a must to a certain degree, but beyond that it is simply for aesthetic or pleasurable means. In other words, it no longer becomes efficient. Organizing my DVD's, none of which I have watched in the past six months, does not help my become a better, or more intelligent person. I am not paid to do it, nor am I asked by anyone to see it done. It would simply because I prefer to have them organized by alphabetical order.
With that in mind, the cost/benefit analysis is simply skewed too far in terms of cost for it to be worth my time. But what about something not so carnal as DVD's? What about something more important to my daily life like my finances? Schedule of classes and their related demands?
I think this is where it becomes essential, but again only to a certain degree. I can schedule my classes according to my level of desirability to fit into to my preferences. I do not schedule my classes around my work/social schedule because I rate my classes as a top priority, which is a level of priority higher than my social or work schedule. Everything else is scheduled around them.
But now I come to a psychological quandary: dwelling on opportunity costs, worrying, and spending copious amounts of time and energy then doubting my final decision. This is quite literally the habitual activity that takes up the most of my time and energy. There is simply nothing in my life as demanding as my worry, doubt, and constant dwelling of such things. Not only does it cost my physically in terms of my health, but also spiritually, financially, morally, and mentally.
The solution is simple: less of the costly, detrimental stuff like worrying and more stuff like creating and living a life of happiness. But this is so difficult for me, because everyday I wake up like this:
"I am so tired."
"I am so weak."
"I am so ugly."
"I am so dumb."
"I have to go to class today."
"I have to go to work today."
"I have to see people today."
"I have to speak correctly."
"I have to think correctly."
"I have to be focused."
"I have to read today."
"I have to go to the gym today."
"I have to run today."
"Why did I not run further today?"
"Why did I not study more today?"
"Why did I not speak better today?"
"No, I said that wrong I have to correct my mistake by saying something correct."
"I have to brush my teeth."
"I should have eaten healthier."
"I forgot to call Zach and Thomas."
"I forgot to call my parents."
"I have to meditate."
"I still have to file my taxes."
"Remember that time I kicked the ball wrong?"
"I miss so many people in my life."
"She hasn't texted me back, I must have said something wrong.--I could have said it better."
"I don't like my hair,"
"I don't like how hairy I am."
"Gosh I can't speak right today."
"Damnit, I have to do the dishes."
... and on and on and on... imagine going through that everyday. Not just every single day of your life for the past ten years, but imagine playing out that list of shit over and over again in your head like a record, throughout the day everyday.
That's what I am trying to communicate to everyone. That is literally how my life is and how I spend so much time and energy everyday. As a result, I have it structured like a perfect system in my mind, and anytime something unexpected occurs, like someone asking me to help them with something, I completely crash because my structure leaves no room for outside activities, or unexpected circumstances. It is completely unorthodox and even worse completely idiotic.
An idea: be creative, be assertive, and live life with only the most fundamental rules. One key phrase I heard a few years ago went something like this: "If you have to repeat to yourself everyday as a reminder to convince yourself to do it, it's not worth doing. If you have to remind yourself constantly, it's not worth remembering".
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Homeschooling
I recently came across this article from Wired Magazine: home schooling . And it really struck me.
What I'm about to write is long and probably drawn out at times but I want to say everything I believe I should say and furthermore everything I want to say.
I was homeschooled my entire life until I went to college full-time at the age of 18 (fall of 2006). I come from a large, conservative family not unlike most homeschoolers in our area. Most the homeschoolers in our area came from large Christian families, very tight-knit, and most of them owned their own businesses, typically in the construction industry.
We did form a tight bond within the homeschool community but we also were actively involved in the larger community in general, not just with homeschoolers. We had our church, city activities, work, and city-league sports. Riding on the coattails of that subject, the whole "homeschoolers are socially retarded" or any other related saying is nothing more than utter nonesense. Yes, there are homeschoolers that still fit the traditional mold and are no very socially active and I've known many of them but I would argue that the proportion of homeschoolers who are not socially active according to modern norms are no more or less than their public or private-schooled compatriots. I feel as though it is an outdated and vastly uninformed idea.
My family had three things that we did each and everyday: work, study, play sports. From as early as I can remember my parents had me out pulling weeds and gardening to working construction and doing chores around the house. We were busy and our lives were never dull. I would wake up typically around 7:00 AM, eat breakfast, exercise, have bible study, then hit the books. My mother had prepared a school schedule for us over the weekend so we knew what to study and when our tests and quizzes were. However there were times she would hit us with a surprise quiz and see how we were doing.
In my personal opinion and experiences I would argue that homeschooling has much higher stakes and a higher risk/reward ratio than public and often private school. First, homeschooling is done where? In the home! So you school where you play, eat, sleep, and live! There is no separating the two and typically this encourages good behavior and a more relaxed setting. Secondly, the teachers are the parents, or in my case, mostly my mother as my father would be out working. So there is no hiding my school performance from my parents, there is no "detention" or school punishments like the traditional school systems offer, instead everything is linked to your personal life. Poor performance in school can mean being issued more studying time, having sports taken away, toys, or even being grounded. And we face our parents everyday! It's not like we leave everyday to school, see our friends, and talk about every little detail of our lives and complain about our parents! Well, we still did that when we were with out friends but not nearly to the same degree as our counterparts in the educational system. We had no traditional "refuge" as you could call it and this forced us to be responsible for ourselves and to take action. We didn't retreat from hard times, instead we thrived on hard times and eventually overcame them to succeed.
In addition to being homeschooled, my family comes from a strictly Norwegian/Swedish background. My parents took their heritage very seriously and they thrived on hard work to a degree that makes them superhuman. For example, I've never lived in a house built by someone other than my father. We started out poor, I mean so poor that McDonalds was considered a treat every other month. But he would manage to save enough to build us a nice home to live in, and he built these houses by himself. That's what he did for a living, he designed and built homes. He has no college degree either. He learned to draft in highschool and after a few years of drafting he figured he could build a house. Sure enough he did! My mother is an Olympic runner and comes from a rough background, ever since I've been around she's been getting up at 4:00 AM to run anywhere from 3-10 miles. She's in her fifties and still going strong.
Everything my siblings and I were taught, we took very seriously. And one thing that sets us and I'd argue most homeschoolers apart from their school-system counterparts are their social skills. Society typically views us as "weird" or "backwards" or "awkward" and I used to resent those phrases but now I actually feel warmth. Because we spent (and many homeschoolers still spend) most our time working, schooling, playing sports, and being active in clubs and organizations, we never really got "time to ourselves" as most kids do. We simply didn't have time for it, so when the opportunity would arise where we could hang out with our friends without the pressure of upcoming deadlines, we relished it. We would speak about our ideas and passions that we cared most deeply for, and form bonds with each other that few would understand. There is simply no way to describe it.
Homeschooling allows kids to tinker, play, and experiment without any extended pressure. While our counterparts in public and private institutions are focusing on memorizing for an exam simply so that can pass the test and then forget everything, we are truely learning, working at a dynamic pace and fulfilling a need that every child deserves. So what if our clothes aren't as hip, or we aren't familiar with the latest slang and gossip. We know how to build stuff, to create, to innovate, to lead others, and to think outside of societies box. That's a proper education! While millions of kids are learning how to play follow the leader and work in a small cubicle doing God know's what, we are creating small-businesses, developing new medicines, building skyscrapers, and setting our communities and families up for success. We don't always become rich but we are successful, happy, and willing to learn. Homeschooling provides an environment that fosters passion for learning, for hard work, and for family bonding. What's typical for us is atypical for the rest.
What I'm about to write is long and probably drawn out at times but I want to say everything I believe I should say and furthermore everything I want to say.
I was homeschooled my entire life until I went to college full-time at the age of 18 (fall of 2006). I come from a large, conservative family not unlike most homeschoolers in our area. Most the homeschoolers in our area came from large Christian families, very tight-knit, and most of them owned their own businesses, typically in the construction industry.
We did form a tight bond within the homeschool community but we also were actively involved in the larger community in general, not just with homeschoolers. We had our church, city activities, work, and city-league sports. Riding on the coattails of that subject, the whole "homeschoolers are socially retarded" or any other related saying is nothing more than utter nonesense. Yes, there are homeschoolers that still fit the traditional mold and are no very socially active and I've known many of them but I would argue that the proportion of homeschoolers who are not socially active according to modern norms are no more or less than their public or private-schooled compatriots. I feel as though it is an outdated and vastly uninformed idea.
My family had three things that we did each and everyday: work, study, play sports. From as early as I can remember my parents had me out pulling weeds and gardening to working construction and doing chores around the house. We were busy and our lives were never dull. I would wake up typically around 7:00 AM, eat breakfast, exercise, have bible study, then hit the books. My mother had prepared a school schedule for us over the weekend so we knew what to study and when our tests and quizzes were. However there were times she would hit us with a surprise quiz and see how we were doing.
In my personal opinion and experiences I would argue that homeschooling has much higher stakes and a higher risk/reward ratio than public and often private school. First, homeschooling is done where? In the home! So you school where you play, eat, sleep, and live! There is no separating the two and typically this encourages good behavior and a more relaxed setting. Secondly, the teachers are the parents, or in my case, mostly my mother as my father would be out working. So there is no hiding my school performance from my parents, there is no "detention" or school punishments like the traditional school systems offer, instead everything is linked to your personal life. Poor performance in school can mean being issued more studying time, having sports taken away, toys, or even being grounded. And we face our parents everyday! It's not like we leave everyday to school, see our friends, and talk about every little detail of our lives and complain about our parents! Well, we still did that when we were with out friends but not nearly to the same degree as our counterparts in the educational system. We had no traditional "refuge" as you could call it and this forced us to be responsible for ourselves and to take action. We didn't retreat from hard times, instead we thrived on hard times and eventually overcame them to succeed.
In addition to being homeschooled, my family comes from a strictly Norwegian/Swedish background. My parents took their heritage very seriously and they thrived on hard work to a degree that makes them superhuman. For example, I've never lived in a house built by someone other than my father. We started out poor, I mean so poor that McDonalds was considered a treat every other month. But he would manage to save enough to build us a nice home to live in, and he built these houses by himself. That's what he did for a living, he designed and built homes. He has no college degree either. He learned to draft in highschool and after a few years of drafting he figured he could build a house. Sure enough he did! My mother is an Olympic runner and comes from a rough background, ever since I've been around she's been getting up at 4:00 AM to run anywhere from 3-10 miles. She's in her fifties and still going strong.
Everything my siblings and I were taught, we took very seriously. And one thing that sets us and I'd argue most homeschoolers apart from their school-system counterparts are their social skills. Society typically views us as "weird" or "backwards" or "awkward" and I used to resent those phrases but now I actually feel warmth. Because we spent (and many homeschoolers still spend) most our time working, schooling, playing sports, and being active in clubs and organizations, we never really got "time to ourselves" as most kids do. We simply didn't have time for it, so when the opportunity would arise where we could hang out with our friends without the pressure of upcoming deadlines, we relished it. We would speak about our ideas and passions that we cared most deeply for, and form bonds with each other that few would understand. There is simply no way to describe it.
Homeschooling allows kids to tinker, play, and experiment without any extended pressure. While our counterparts in public and private institutions are focusing on memorizing for an exam simply so that can pass the test and then forget everything, we are truely learning, working at a dynamic pace and fulfilling a need that every child deserves. So what if our clothes aren't as hip, or we aren't familiar with the latest slang and gossip. We know how to build stuff, to create, to innovate, to lead others, and to think outside of societies box. That's a proper education! While millions of kids are learning how to play follow the leader and work in a small cubicle doing God know's what, we are creating small-businesses, developing new medicines, building skyscrapers, and setting our communities and families up for success. We don't always become rich but we are successful, happy, and willing to learn. Homeschooling provides an environment that fosters passion for learning, for hard work, and for family bonding. What's typical for us is atypical for the rest.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Home is where the heart is
That never meant much to me. The saying that "home is where the heart is". I've never understood that until now, unfortunately. I am 26 by the way.
Doing something because you have to and doing something because you want to are completely opposite and lead to entirely unique outcomes. Let's say you're baking an apple pie, but you really don't want to bake it. You'd rather be doing other things but you had made a promise to the local homeless shelter saying you'd contribute by baking this pie. You also have a lot going on in your life; work, a girlfriend or boyfriend, your usual gym time, and whatever else. You view this pie as a pain in the ass and as such you may not pay close attention to the list of ingredients and forget the sugar; you're not paying attention to the amount of sugar you're putting in the pie and rather than measure it you're just "winging" it and putting in what you think is the right amount because measuring takes too much time and being the busy person you are it's just not worth it. You pop it in the oven and forget to set the timer, or you do set it and simply forget about it and go about your business.
My point is that you really are much more likely to bake a better pie if you bake with love as opposed to doing it because you feel obligated to. This scenario can be expanded to include anything else.
Conclusion: wherever you apply yourself and whatever you put your heart into, you will see success and the return on your investment will be paid back and then some.
Looking around, there are plenty of average people. I know this one guy and he looks pretty average, talks pretty average, and doesn't really stand out from everyone else. He dresses in low-key clothes that don't cost a lot, he enjoys talking about football, trucks, and wildlife and doesn't have any interest in physics, mathematics, or what Bill Gross is up to. He doesn't get really excited about much, at least not apparently so. He's just a simple man: what you see is what you get.
Well, I wanted to know more about this guy because I saw him everyday and interacted with him nearly every day. And no matter what I never saw him upset or sad. He always seemed more like content if not happy. And I thought "how is that possible?" How are his emotions in check like that all the time? He must be hiding something!
Not really. He grew up on a ranch fifty miles from the nearest town with his parents and three siblings. Winter temperatures would sink to -40 Fahrenheit, summers a scorching 110. His entire family relied upon the nations demand for their cattle. Some years were good, some were bad, most were just ok. He grew up modest, and was raised to treat others fairly. You could say he was raised pretty well.
Fast forward to today and he's my age, 26. He has three kids, a beautiful wife, a nice new home, new truck, still seems like the nice guy I knew back in highschool. In fact, his personality hasn't changed a bit. Same sense of humor and mostly the same interests. He rarely, if ever, complains about anything. And if he does it's in a mostly joking tone and he'll start and end it in one sentence.
I've always asked myself: "why is he so much happier than I am?" Here I am with more education and knowledge than most people according to my years in college and yet I don't know the answer to this seemingly simple question.
One time not too long ago my truck broke down. I popped the hood, got out, and looked all around. "That's the engine... there's the oil-gauge, wiper fluid reservoir, serpentine belt.... battery...." I could identify most parts of the engine but had no clue as to what was wrong let alone how to fix it. I thought for a while about who I could call but being in a place I wasn't very familiar with I didn't know many people. The people I did know were more acquaintances than friends. Mostly by their choosing because I can be a very selfish person. Going through my contacts on my phone I come across his name and thought about calling him. Before I did I weighed my options of everything: "I could call a tow-truck but they will charge me an outrageous fee.... I could call such and such and they would probably come but I'm not very close with them and haven't treated them well in the past..." I was out of options and decided to call him, but before I did I had one fear that crossed my mind "what is he going to think? He'll probably think I am useless and not even a man!"... wait! Do you see what happened there? I stopped to think about what he thought. Interesting. Anyway, I called him up and as usual he answered with the same cool "hello" he's always had. I explained my situation and he said he just had to finish something at work but he would be over in 15 minutes. Whew! He'll figure it out I thought!
15 minutes later he shows up. Looks at the engine bay, tried starting my truck within 30 seconds tells me "your alternator is no good".... hmmm.... I've heard that word before but I really don't know anything about it. He shows me where it is and tells me he'll take me to a place and get a new one and install it. I thought "wow sure yeah!" We go to an auto-parts store and he tells them which one I need. We return to my truck and he proceeds to take out his tools and work on getting my old alternator out and replacing it with a new one. About an hour later my truck is running again! I thank him and offer to pay him/buy him a beer and whatever else! He tells me not to worry about then before driving off says jokingly that I should drive slower!
Thinking about it I realized that he's that strong, steady man every woman wants to be with and every man desires to be like. The most beautiful women have always pursued him but he's never really been interested until he met the girl that would later be his wife. He would always tell jokes even if it was -30 with the wind howling and we were both absolutely miserable on a job site. He's never been afraid to try doing something himself. Most of the time he would fail on his first attempt or two but by the third try he'd get it. I'm terrified of heights but he'd climb up the side of a mountain without hesitation. I would hit a jump on my dirtbike going 40mph, then he'd hit it going 50mph. I'd say "I can't do that" to something and then he'd go and do it. I'd date different women and complain about life, he'd stay single and complain about there not being enough beer. I'd Google "how to fix a car" he'd be out there doing it. Friends would call me and ask if I could help them move and I'd decline saying I didn't have the time. When friends asked him he'd say "yeah sure I'll help you move, I'll bring my truck and some pizza too!"
He was basically my opposite. Almost never getting angry, never sad or too upset about anything. Always logical, direct, and light-hearted. I'd talk about quantum mechanics and he'd talk about the Seahawks. I made six figures and he was barely scraping by but somehow he managed to build himself a nice house, afford nice vehicles, marry the most beautiful girl within 500 miles, and was known to everyone within that same range. No one had anything bad to say about him and he had nothing to say about anyone else. I thought "he's just doing what everyone does" but it turns out it was the opposite. He's a hardcore Christian, doesn't care for cursing, dislikes drugs, never had pre-marital sex, and in social-scenes he was always calm and focused. No matter how bad you treated him he would never return the favor and continued to treat everyone as equals. He had specific values and principles that I never once saw broken.
This guy is a good friend of mine and no matter how poor of character I've been or lacking of love he's always been nearby. There's a lot to be said about a man who has substance like that and none of them are bad.
Doing something because you have to and doing something because you want to are completely opposite and lead to entirely unique outcomes. Let's say you're baking an apple pie, but you really don't want to bake it. You'd rather be doing other things but you had made a promise to the local homeless shelter saying you'd contribute by baking this pie. You also have a lot going on in your life; work, a girlfriend or boyfriend, your usual gym time, and whatever else. You view this pie as a pain in the ass and as such you may not pay close attention to the list of ingredients and forget the sugar; you're not paying attention to the amount of sugar you're putting in the pie and rather than measure it you're just "winging" it and putting in what you think is the right amount because measuring takes too much time and being the busy person you are it's just not worth it. You pop it in the oven and forget to set the timer, or you do set it and simply forget about it and go about your business.
My point is that you really are much more likely to bake a better pie if you bake with love as opposed to doing it because you feel obligated to. This scenario can be expanded to include anything else.
Conclusion: wherever you apply yourself and whatever you put your heart into, you will see success and the return on your investment will be paid back and then some.
Looking around, there are plenty of average people. I know this one guy and he looks pretty average, talks pretty average, and doesn't really stand out from everyone else. He dresses in low-key clothes that don't cost a lot, he enjoys talking about football, trucks, and wildlife and doesn't have any interest in physics, mathematics, or what Bill Gross is up to. He doesn't get really excited about much, at least not apparently so. He's just a simple man: what you see is what you get.
Well, I wanted to know more about this guy because I saw him everyday and interacted with him nearly every day. And no matter what I never saw him upset or sad. He always seemed more like content if not happy. And I thought "how is that possible?" How are his emotions in check like that all the time? He must be hiding something!
Not really. He grew up on a ranch fifty miles from the nearest town with his parents and three siblings. Winter temperatures would sink to -40 Fahrenheit, summers a scorching 110. His entire family relied upon the nations demand for their cattle. Some years were good, some were bad, most were just ok. He grew up modest, and was raised to treat others fairly. You could say he was raised pretty well.
Fast forward to today and he's my age, 26. He has three kids, a beautiful wife, a nice new home, new truck, still seems like the nice guy I knew back in highschool. In fact, his personality hasn't changed a bit. Same sense of humor and mostly the same interests. He rarely, if ever, complains about anything. And if he does it's in a mostly joking tone and he'll start and end it in one sentence.
I've always asked myself: "why is he so much happier than I am?" Here I am with more education and knowledge than most people according to my years in college and yet I don't know the answer to this seemingly simple question.
One time not too long ago my truck broke down. I popped the hood, got out, and looked all around. "That's the engine... there's the oil-gauge, wiper fluid reservoir, serpentine belt.... battery...." I could identify most parts of the engine but had no clue as to what was wrong let alone how to fix it. I thought for a while about who I could call but being in a place I wasn't very familiar with I didn't know many people. The people I did know were more acquaintances than friends. Mostly by their choosing because I can be a very selfish person. Going through my contacts on my phone I come across his name and thought about calling him. Before I did I weighed my options of everything: "I could call a tow-truck but they will charge me an outrageous fee.... I could call such and such and they would probably come but I'm not very close with them and haven't treated them well in the past..." I was out of options and decided to call him, but before I did I had one fear that crossed my mind "what is he going to think? He'll probably think I am useless and not even a man!"... wait! Do you see what happened there? I stopped to think about what he thought. Interesting. Anyway, I called him up and as usual he answered with the same cool "hello" he's always had. I explained my situation and he said he just had to finish something at work but he would be over in 15 minutes. Whew! He'll figure it out I thought!
15 minutes later he shows up. Looks at the engine bay, tried starting my truck within 30 seconds tells me "your alternator is no good".... hmmm.... I've heard that word before but I really don't know anything about it. He shows me where it is and tells me he'll take me to a place and get a new one and install it. I thought "wow sure yeah!" We go to an auto-parts store and he tells them which one I need. We return to my truck and he proceeds to take out his tools and work on getting my old alternator out and replacing it with a new one. About an hour later my truck is running again! I thank him and offer to pay him/buy him a beer and whatever else! He tells me not to worry about then before driving off says jokingly that I should drive slower!
Thinking about it I realized that he's that strong, steady man every woman wants to be with and every man desires to be like. The most beautiful women have always pursued him but he's never really been interested until he met the girl that would later be his wife. He would always tell jokes even if it was -30 with the wind howling and we were both absolutely miserable on a job site. He's never been afraid to try doing something himself. Most of the time he would fail on his first attempt or two but by the third try he'd get it. I'm terrified of heights but he'd climb up the side of a mountain without hesitation. I would hit a jump on my dirtbike going 40mph, then he'd hit it going 50mph. I'd say "I can't do that" to something and then he'd go and do it. I'd date different women and complain about life, he'd stay single and complain about there not being enough beer. I'd Google "how to fix a car" he'd be out there doing it. Friends would call me and ask if I could help them move and I'd decline saying I didn't have the time. When friends asked him he'd say "yeah sure I'll help you move, I'll bring my truck and some pizza too!"
He was basically my opposite. Almost never getting angry, never sad or too upset about anything. Always logical, direct, and light-hearted. I'd talk about quantum mechanics and he'd talk about the Seahawks. I made six figures and he was barely scraping by but somehow he managed to build himself a nice house, afford nice vehicles, marry the most beautiful girl within 500 miles, and was known to everyone within that same range. No one had anything bad to say about him and he had nothing to say about anyone else. I thought "he's just doing what everyone does" but it turns out it was the opposite. He's a hardcore Christian, doesn't care for cursing, dislikes drugs, never had pre-marital sex, and in social-scenes he was always calm and focused. No matter how bad you treated him he would never return the favor and continued to treat everyone as equals. He had specific values and principles that I never once saw broken.
This guy is a good friend of mine and no matter how poor of character I've been or lacking of love he's always been nearby. There's a lot to be said about a man who has substance like that and none of them are bad.
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